Wednesday, 14 September 2011
Until recently, I didn't get it.
I understood that Gackt was pretty awesome in a statuesque, stoic and unexpectedly hilarious way and I understood that he has the face of a beautiful man/woman/Final Fantasy character and that he makes fairly dramatic million album selling j-rock/pop music (that I didn't really pay any attention too before). I understood all of that - and that's why he has millions of fans, but I didn't get why people thought he was attractive, like why they consider him a supreme total all encompassing mega babe? All across the world wide web i'd seen fangirls going nuts for him, and on Japanese TV i'd heard entire audiences of females cooing in unison at a simple smirk or hand gesture, and yet I, queen of the crushes, was oblivious.
I suppose it can't help when you're trying to make a judgment on someone and you don't really know what you're dealing with, I mean, can I develop a serious crush on a slightly gender ambiguous, ageless vampire who looks like he was constructed by machines in a factory on a different planet where he then went on to become King? could you? My google image searches (in a quest for a resolution) always threw up way more questions than answers...
I suppose the other factor that was going against Gackt-san was when I started mainlining Japanese TV about 2 years ago, he really wasn't looking his best. He kind of had this whole "sassy auntie" vibe going on, mousse set curls, rectangular rimless specs, I think there may have even been bootcut jeans - I really don't want to remember it too vividly. (F.Y.I "sassy auntie" seems to be a recurring problem in hot East Asian male celebrities from time to time, please refer also to Auntie Kame, Auntie Tegoshi and even Auntie No Min Woo) On top of this, the other era of Gackt that I seemed to have the most viewing experience of was the period in early 2000s when he was a regular on the KinKi Kids show Domoto Kyoudai where he mainly sat motionless throughout, lying in wait to occasionally blow everyone away with a choice personal anecdote (always delivered deadpan) or an unexpected collaborative music performance, or forced to participate in a ping pong doubles match ... and so on. The problem with this period is that Gackt seemed to be suffering from slight early 80s David Bowie Yuppie syndrome, iced hair and bad suits... and again with the rectangle glasses, so again, he didn't really strike me as the man of my dreams. What a fool I was! I watch these back, having seen the light, and now Auntie Gackt is more beautiful than ever, Salary man yuppie Gackt is hot, the ill fitting suits are now viewed as a considered fashion statement, I get it, I get it all. GACKT IS HOT.
I don't want this to be as shallow as a "GACKT IS HOT" post, its supposed to be a Gackt is incredible and when I finally realised and acknowledged the depths of his awesomeness, that is when it finally clicked and I saw the appeal and was hit with the overdue effects of his hotness. I fought it at first, I didn't really understand what was going on in my head, but within hours it had snowballed (and I had spread the gift of Gackt to my dear brain twin Jessica Jane) and there was no denying it, I think I am in love with Gackt.
My days are now littered with flashbacks when I am struck with a vivid memory of a Gackt news story or an appearance on TV that I noted with mild interest and my previous responses of "LOL, Gackt", "Thats so Gackt" and "what a weirdo, he's pretty great". Just to give you a few examples: Gackt making his own costume and turning up in full cosplay to promote an event for a character he was the voice actor for, Gackt's appearance on VS Arashi with a complete disregard for the concept of what 'sports wear' might be and his apparent love of Ohno Satoshi to the extent of bestowing him with one of his own (kind of hideous) gothic jewellery creations, Gackt is in a Hollywood film (as yet to be on general release) where he co stars with Josh Hartnett and Woody Harrelson (yes, really), vintage Gackt sitting motionless with a smirk as pro wrestler Antoni Inoki slaps the Kinki Kids round the face in what may just be my favourite titled youtube video of all time, Gackt 'casually stating'“Recently, I’ve thought about getting a helicopter license. I think it would be interesting if I came down during one of my concerts in a helicopter”, Gackt's biography mentioning that can see spirits ever since a near death experience where he nearly drowned in the sea in Okinawa aged 7, Gackt giving a surprise performance at a school graduation just because he felt like it, Salary man Gackt advertising energy drink, Comedy Gackt advertising a LoveFilm type DVD rental by post service, Gackt confessing he has a big crush on Hyde from L'arc en Ciel, Gackts apparent love of puppies, Gackts duet with fellow known crazy DAIGO, Gackt's comedy skit extra from one of his concert dvds where he dresses up as a baseball player, a scuba diver, a nurse and a schoolgirl, Gackt's live band being called 'Yellow Fried Chickenz" with the added gimmick that they are supposedly a band of foreigners (despite all but 1 or 2 being Japanese), Gackt's fanclub members being called "Dears" (official name), Gackt's birth year officially being 1540 (although recently, for no reason at all, suddenly he's apparently revealed he is 37 and not 471 ...), Gackt's house having 7 floors, no windows, a lobby, a dojo, and a waterfall in his bedroom and his ridiculous 'wishing well'esque bathtub, Gackt rides a rollercoaster without cracking a smile (or scream), Gackt holds a 'men only' concert for his fans and performs shirtless for the most part.. need I go on? I feel like I could go on all day.
Isn't it weird that my brain kept a mental note of all of these gems? it's as if it knew that this was going to happen. Like so many before him, I think this was a case of a slow burning crush just waiting for the day when I was finally ready to admit it. The tipping point, which was particularly unlikely considering his haircut (a blonde buzzcut with some lines razored in the side?!), was his recent appearance on Arashi no Shiagaye when I basically threw down my last threads of self restraint and declared "that's it. I want to date Gackt." I'm not sure where it happened, was it Gackt teaching them how to exercise properly (whilst demonstrating his seemingly bionic limbs) ? was it his smooth car seat adjusting demonstration reaching across the lap of his date (in this case, a flustered Ohno Satoshi)? or his ordering desserts to suit specific types of girls and delighting in girls who eat clumsily and struggle to keep their cake on their fork? No, I don't think I even needed to get that far, it was probably around 10 minutes in (after the introductions, the nail file omiyage, the awkward practical joke and the preaching of the importance of men having well manicured hands). It was at the point of Arashi asking Gackt if there was any truth in the rumour that "he never sleeps alone"... "True" says Gackt, "I hate it", you see to Gackt "a bed is like a chopsticks case" that needs two chopsticks, bed is not a place for sleep, it is a place to "NURTURE LOVE". Well, there must be times when Gackt-san is alone right, so what happens then? "I don't sleep" oh of course. Or he sleeps on the sofa between doing work, and never more than 2 hours a night.
I think he probably NURTURES LOVE most nights to be honest.
Follow this up with the other facts - he only eats bread when he's in France and he thinks cream puffs are pervy. I was sold. I think it also helped that the day before I watched him perform on a music show in a full length purple wig and black samurai outfit as his vocaloid avatar / character "Kamui Gackupo" from the Gakpoid vocaloid programme (what's a vocaloid? I hear you cry). He performed "Episode 0" which was written by a fan who won a competition to compose a song using vocaloid Gackt and if real Gackt liked it enough he would include on his next album, which he did.
Perhaps I should address this current ridiculous haircut concept with the razored in X and the sandy tones, but do you know what? for the first time in the history of crushing I think I reached the "it's fine, he can do whatever the hell he wants, he is exempt from my scathing haircut critique" at the exact same moment that I was like "OFFICIALLY CRUSHING", special rules for a special guy right...? Also when we team this new look with the eyepatch its really quite dashing.
So for well over a month now I have been majorly crushing on Gackt, I just can't stop thinking about what it would be like to be picked up at the intersection in the 'Red Comet' and taken for dinner where I can eat my pasta clumsily, get confessed to with flowers I picked out for someone else and taken for some tea and cake at an executive looking hotel lounge. Maybe I can even make it as far as making the faux pas of trying to bathe in the water feature in the bedroom like some other girls have, and maybe just maybe I could be a chopstick one day... (a paragraph entirely made of references to his appearance on Arashi ni Shiyagare, in case you're lost and confused).
Now i'm officially a fan, i've started my research period, as happens with most of my obsessions, once I take an interest, I really take an interest, and I take it seriously. I've been begun working my way through Gackt-san's career, chronologically, and am currently lost deep in the first chapter of his musical endeavors. I already have so much that i'm bursting to share than i'm going to roll this over into another blog post, but just so that you can prepare yourself, you might want to gather together a bucket full of ice, a stiff drink, some clean underwear, an extensive make up palette, some ruffled shirts, historical costume and perhaps some pvc or leather wear for afters ... just a suggestion.
I have had the majority of this post saved as a draft for almost a month now, I guess I just didn't have time to finish it ... too busy watching Gackt videos.
*additional note 2*
Apparently it was obvious to everyone else that I would fall in love with Gackt,
In a recent email (unbeknown to the sender that I co-incidentally had this entire post sitting unpublished in my draft folder) a friend said "There's a film coming out end of September called 'Bunraku' staring a guy called Gackt. I haven't heard you mention this guy and yet he is obviously famous eye candy in the East. Are you slipping up here, or keeping him in the shadows for your own personal crushing before any of the other girls get there beady little eyes on him."
Well, I think i've answered that question now.
and also I thought I should break this significant development to my brother, so I told him I had some important news to share. It didn't go how I expected:
"I think your indifference may have been self-deceit"
never were truer words said brother.