I'm going to pin point the moment when it all went wrong as last Wednesday when I was walking to my exercise class and a teenage girl sprayed me with a hose. I don't mean in a playful way, and I don't mean spray as in a light dusting of moisture, I mean she purposefully pointed the hose at me and shot the full strength stream of water into my face. She was standing at the end of her driveway holding the hose and when she saw me coming she started spraying in my direction, I stopped, waiting for her to stop so I could get by and that's when she just aimed it right at me, and took a step forward and she carried on, I had my hands slightly upturned in a gesture of 'what the hell?!' but I was stunned and couldn't even voice a yell of rage, I walked headlong into the oncoming water to get by, she stopped when I was about 30cm away from her, and said "ooops. I slipped" in a monotone voice whilst her chubby friend cackled at me nervously. I think I managed to say "what's your problem?!" in a tiny voice, really a very lame revenge attack on my part when I was holding a full bottle of water and she was fully made up in some kind of floaty prom dress outfit. It was so surreal, and it was horrible. I was bullied and intimidated by a complete stranger practically half my age in my own neighborhood whilst I was walking down a main road. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT?
The one redeeming factor was I was that I was on route to an hour of hardcore dance aerobics so I was in my own interpretation of "fitness clothes" and the attack on my vanity of being doused in water was irrelevant at this point in the day. Did I look like I was out jogging, on a warm day? is that why she did it? would that make it acceptable? or if I knew her and it was in playful jovial summer fun? SCREW THAT.
F.Y.I universe this is not a scorching 40degrees summer in some warmer climate where we all wear bikini tops and short shorts and have beach parties and spray each other with hose pipes and laugh about it. This is just me (refusing to describe the clothes I wear to work out in) tired after a long day at work and an hours commute back, making the effort to drag myself to an exercise class, walking down a fairly major road in the suburbs of the West Midlands. WHAT THE HELL?!?!
Usually my 'danceaerobics' (brand name that begins with Z that I would cringe to type here publicly) is an undisturbed hour where my brain is so concentrated on trying to not hit the other ladies with my flailing arms in an un-coordinated mess that there is literally no room for external thought, no worries, no sadness, nothing, just the effort of co-ordination and the occasional internalised burst of hilarity of that realisation I, yes I, I am dancing in formation to Ricky Martin and unknown artists salsaXreggaeton mashups and for the most part I am enjoying it. However, last wednesday my routine was fragmented with regular flashes of rage of WHY THE HELL DID THAT GIRL DO THAT? WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??? It threw me off balance, literally, I clashed hands with the lady to my left and shuffled back over to my spot in shame.
Oh, I have not been sad for 5 days just because a teenager sprayed me with a hosepipe, (I got over that about 2 minutes after leaving my exercise class and congratulating myself on a perfect performance of the routine to Shakira's "Waka Waka") that was just the prologue.
I'll spare you the in depth relaying of the real sad. It involves to much over share of heartache and personal emotions and feelings.
I'll stick with the admission that I regularly attend Zumba classes for tonight's revelations. There, I said it.
As for the hose pipe thing, I am purging the event from memory and replacing it with the scene from K-drama masterpiece "You're Beautiful" (myself in the role of Go Minam) where the adorable Jeremy is threatening and attacking Go Minam with a hosepipe out of confusion and frustration whilst coming to terms with the fact that he is crushing on a boy (even though shes obvs a girl...) and this one sided water fight gets broken up by the divine perfection of Shin Woo.
Jeremy & Shin Woo ♥♥♥♥♥
Ahhh, If only Shin Woo had been on hand to side blast that lunatic teen last Wednesday.
Better yet, can I arrange a visit from Stone Cold Steve Austin and his beer truck? Actually, can I just arrange for Stone Cold to be my constant companion in case I have any further altercations with 13 year olds...
If you wanna see Stone Cold fight my battles with local teenagers for me then give me a "HELL YEAH"!!